Classic XI: US Presidents

GK: Dwight D. Eisenhower – Popular with the fans. Good distribution out of the back.

RB: Ulysses S. Grant – Unspectacular in attack, but grinds down opponents and never gives an inch. Refuses to accept a draw as a positive result, demands unconditional surrender from his enemies.

CB: Abraham Lincoln – Leader of Men. Calm in the face of adversity. Good feet, goal threat on set pieces.

CB: George Washington (C) – Defends, defends, defends and then before you know it he attacks, sneaking up through midfield, across the Delaware River, and into the opponent’s half ready to shoot from distance or make a late run into the penalty box. Rises above petty dressing room politics, universally beloved by fans. Has endeared himself to the press with his innate honesty.

LB: Harry S. Truman – Will go 75 minutes without making a mark on the game, and then -BOOM- he’ll drop a really big ****ing bomb you. Free-kick specialist.

RM: Teddy Roosevelt – Covers every blade of grass, gets stuck in. Relies more on will and his reputation than on skill. Sent the 7th fleet around the world.

CM: Calvin Coolidge – Calm and camposed, sweeps up behind the skill players and makes sure the whole engine clicks. All business.

CM: Andrew Jackson – Sparkplug, dynamo of team. Attacks relentlessly. Utterly ruthless, just ask the Cherokees. Loved by few, hated by many, respected by all.

LM: Richard Nixon – Tricky bastard. Good footwork, occasionally tries to do to much. Never beats a man once when he can beat him twice. At the same time never stays beaten for long.

F: George H. W. Bush – When he attacks you feel it. Defeated vaunted Iraqi Army in 100 hours. Dismantled Juve in 60 minutes. Also creates for teammates, builds fluid attacking moves, international coalitions.

F: James K. Polk – Leads the line. Combative, feels he has a god-given right to the field. Frequently off-side, but just as frequently in the right place at the right time, ready to poke in a loose ball, or annex Texas.

Manager: Ronald Reagan – Good communicator, good man-manager. Leaves the Xs and Os to his number two.

Trainer: Lyndon Baines Johnson – Sees all the moves, knows how to crack the toughest defense or the toughest filibuster. Hasn’t performed quite as well in the manager’s chair. A natural number 2.

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