David Healy may have a chance to push his claims as a first-choice Fulham forward on Saturday – in the absence of Jari Litmanen.

Really? Fulham’s fifth forward is out injured so their sixth is going to start?

The Cottagers travel to Blackburn in the Barclays Premier League badly needing points on the road to salve their plight at the bottom of the table – with the likelihood of relegation increasing as time runs out.


Roy Hodgson’s team’s cause will not be helped by the unavailability of Litmanen, who is back in his native Finland having new insoles made for his boots to cure a muscle strain.

It’s true. Jari Litmanen being in Finland will not help Fulham at Blackburn. However, considering that Jari Litmanen has not even made the substitutes bench for last three matches (or ever for that matter), Roy will probably dry his tears and get on with his work. Bonus Fact: David Healy has also not made the substitutes bench for the last three matches.

While Hodgson is left to bemoan the absence of the 37-year-old striker, opportunity knocks for Healy – who has been considered for a loan move as he struggles to catch his manager’s eye.

*Knock, Knock*

David Healy: Who is it?

Opportunity: It’s opportunity.

DH: Opportunity? That’s brilliant, come in!

O: Wait, who is this?

DH: It’s David Healy!

O: My bad. I thought this was Eddie Johnson’s house.

Hodgson, hoping Litmanen will soon be fit again, said: “It is frustrating for him and it is frustrating for me because it would give me another element in the competition for places up front.”

It means, however , that Northern Ireland international Healy could be back in the reckoning.

I am sure that David Healy is already reckoned as “another element in the competition.” Healium (snicker).

He has been linked with a loan move to a number of Championship clubs – but Hodgson has made it clear he wants to retain the former Leeds striker and has subsequently rebuffed any enquiries.

“Lots of people would like David and that is not surprising because he is a proven goalscorer,” he said.

“There are teams in the Championship who are looking for promotion or to avoid relegation – but I would prefer to keep David with me.

“I have told him that and he is happy to stay with us, so I have turned down their inquiries.”

Roy loves his elements. Because they are the building blocks of all matter. And all teams.

As for Litmanen, the likelihood is that – if his trip to Finland is fruitful – he ought to be back to reclaim his place shortly.

His place as an element, not as an actual player.

“Jari has had Achilles and ankle operations and needs these insoles to correct certain movement in his ankles which, if it doesn’t get corrected, brings about muscle strains,” Hodgson explained.

“That’s exactly what has happened – he has got a strain on the inside of his thigh that has come about because the new insoles that he thought were going to work didn’t.”

This is actually kind of awesome. I want to know more about this insole technology. This is the real story you hack!

I think we can all see what happened here. Some poor schmuck at the wire agency gets assigned to write an article about Fulham. He comes across two recent Hodgson interviews that are lying around. One about Jari Litmanen and his magical insoles, and one about David Healy staying around. You can practically see the wheels in his head spinning. Fulham have one striker that I’ve heard of who will be in Finland during their next game. Fulham have another striker that I’ve heard of who will not be going out on loan. Scribbles furiously on scratch paper. Therefore striker A’s absence opens the door for striker B! Brilliant! I’m brilliant! Hooray the sporting press!

Of course, I’ll look like I real doofus when Healy starts tomorrow. Which I would actually not be adverse to.


2 Responses to “Hackwatch”

  1. bqfootball Says:

    Typical British journalism. Build a story of out nothing. Healy gets a chance because another guy who’s not going to start is injured again, or having insole repair or whatever.

    Interesting because I’ve been threatening for while to do a story on this very thing. The difference between sports journalism in the U.S. v the UK. Huge difference in the way the media are treated. So you get all these bogus stories because they are searching for something, anything to throw out there and make interesting.

    By the way, loved your presidential starting 11. Great stuff!

  2. bq Says:

    Well, I guess Healy did get his chance after all. Not sure he was in long enough to rate. But he did alright.

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